Keep Me From Sinking
by addekluv
Summary: An Addek One-Shot based on thoughts from Addison and Derek, pre-marriage, through Grey's Anatomy's episode titled, "Staring at the Sun." Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Grey's Anatomy.


**Keep Me From Sinking**

Addison and Derek, Pre-Marriage through "Staring At the Sun," 3.08.

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I own no part of these characters or any reference to anything else pertaining to _Grey's Anatomy_.

You are in your second year of medical school at Columbia University and enjoying every second of it. You and your boyfriend, Derek, have been dating exclusively for the past six months. You'll never forget the moment that you saw him:

He was leaning against the pillar in the student union waiting for his turn to place his lunch order. You've never seen him before, but for some reason, you feel like you know him; or you would like to get to know him. You aren't entirely sure which it really is. You had just purchased your salad and you were precariously balancing it, and your large Diet Coke, on the tiny food tray. Before finding a spot in the crowded cafeteria, you notice that you forgot eating utensils. As you make your way through the sea of students back towards the counter, you see your leaner friend has moved up in line and is standing directly in front of the holder containing the fork that you need. You edge closer to him and breathe in the scent of his cologne.

"Excuse me, please," you beg.

He turns his head to look at you; slightly annoyed at the interruption of his order.

"I'm sorry," you begin, "I forgot to grab a fork. If I could just…"

Giving you a quick once over, he smiles broadly and takes a step back to allow you in front of him.

You grin back at him and move forward noticing the hand that he gently places on the small of your back while you bend to reach the item that you need. Once it's firmly in your hand, you pull back and sheepishly say, "Thank you. I appreciate it."

He keeps the smile while replying, "Anytime."

For a moment, you do nothing but stare at his blue eyes. You notice the grin begin to slide from his face and you realize you are keeping him from ordering his lunch. Feeling the warmth fill your cheeks, you embarrassingly whisper, "Thanks. Sorry. But, thanks." You nod your head in the general direction of the counter. "It's your turn now."

Chuckling, he moves towards the counter and begins discussing the day's special with the already irritated cafeteria worker who looks no older to you than your younger sister who is still in high school.

After walking around the perimeter of the room at least twice, you finally find an open table. As you pull the lid from your salad container, you have that odd feeling one gets when you know someone is watching you. Slowly looking around the room while trying to not look like you are trying to look around the room, you don't see anything out of the ordinary and begin to slide your straw into its proper hole on the lid of your drink. Before you can take a sip, your leaner friend is standing on the opposite side of your table.

"This seat taken?" He asks as if he knows it's not.

_Hmm, cocky_, you think. You shake your head and reply, "No, it's open." Quickly adding, "For now," so he doesn't think you are a complete loner.

And thus began the courtship of you and Derek. At first, you thought his ego was unappealing, but you soon found it to be intriguing and appropriate for a future surgeon. You soon learned that he thought, in the beginning, that you were stuck up and snotty until he learned that it wasn't either of those things, but instead an intense need to keep a wall of protection up so as to not get hurt – again. Eventually, fairly quickly for you, that wall began to crumble.

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You walk into the large laboratory excited for today's class. You will be performing an actual procedure, albeit on robotic bodies, but an actual procedure all of the same. Looking around the room, you notice that Derek hasn't arrived yet. Not surprised in the least that he's not early, you choose your spot at a table containing a premature dummy infant. These are the types of patients that you plan on saving someday; the littlest fighters. The ones who don't give up until their tiny bodies cannot take any more agony and pain. Those are the patients you can relate to. You've never been one to give up, even when you thought it might kill you if you didn't.

As you notice the professor taking his place at the front of the room, you also see Derek slip in and stand, leaning as usual, against the back wall. The tables are full so he waits patiently for a spot to fill in. He grins at you and you smile back.

"Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. Today we will be working on these robotic patients. They are as close to real patients as you will get to for awhile. They breathe. Their hearts beat – and stop beating. They feel and respond to pain. They have vital signs that you will have to respond to during the procedures that you will be performing on them. I will be pairing you up so there will be two of you to a table. The first name that I call will be playing the physician; the second name, the patient's family member. This is a class on procedures and ethical treatment of patients. You will be graded on both aspects. Once the first group is finished, we will reset the dummies and trade places. Any questions?"

You don't dare ask anything. The directions have been given and you have listened to them. The questions can come later, but it doesn't pay to ask anything now. It's more of a rhetorical question and you've come to understand that.

"Thomas and Gither, Smith and Hanson, Wineth and Robinson, Montgomery and Shepherd….."

As you hear both of your names together, you look to Derek and he raises an eyebrow at you. You grin in a mischievous way knowing this will be an interesting afternoon. You've been in a handful of classes together since you began dating him, but you've never actually had to work directly with him.

The students begin pairing themselves and Derek saunters to your table. He looks at the patient you've chosen and says, "That's a small one."

Laughing, you respond, "It is. The best kind, I think."

You begin reading the description of the patient and what she is presented with. The patient has had hernia surgery. You are to check the wound, decide whether it has become infected or not, repair it, if necessary, and properly re-close and re-bandage. _Not too hard,_ you think.

The professor walks to your table and flips the 'on' button for your patient. He instructs you to begin when you are ready. Taking a deep breath, you begin the role play by introducing yourself as Dr. Montgomery to your patient's father, slash, your current boyfriend. At first it is uncomfortable, but as you continue to exam the premature infant, the classroom transforms itself into an exam room for you and you relax.

Once the baby's vital signs have been recorded, you begin to peel back the bandage on her abdomen. Her eyes open and she begins to move her arms and legs. Looking up before continuing, you say, "I'm sorry, but I may have to make your daughter cry." You know that just ripping the tape from her skin would give her less pain, only because it's a quicker removal. But you also know that it would seem cruel to do so. Therefore, you prepare her 'father' for her almost certain tears.

Derek tilts his head and replies, "That's one thing that I love about you."

You look at him questioningly, "That I make kids cry?"

Chuckling, he responds, "No. That you hate that you have to make them cry."

You smile, slightly embarrassed, because you aren't sure if that is part of the role play or if he's slipped back into being your boyfriend. Neither of you have mentioned the L-word and you don't want to make the mistake of thinking that he means it now.

You mutter a quick "thank you" and continue on with the work you are there to accomplish.

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Later in the evening, you and Derek are lying on the couch together watching a comedy on television. You decide to broach the subject from earlier in the day that still fills your mind. "Can I ask you something?"

"Mmmhmm," he answers, not removing his eyes from the sitcom.

"When we were in the classroom today and you said that you loved it that I hated to make your patient cry, did you really mean that? Or were you just playing along?"

Derek turns to look you directly in the eyes and replies, "I meant it. I love that about you. I love your compassion. I love your empathy. You'll have a great bedside manner – even if your patients are too little to know it."

You feel yourself melt with his words. He meant it. You lean into him and place your lips onto his while wrapping your hands around his neck. The comedy on the television soon becomes forgotten.

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The loud horn of the ferry boat breaks you from your reverie. You know you need to quickly get the task accomplished that you came here to do. The horn is a warning sign that it is about to leave the port. You are certain that you will not ride his new favorite boat in his new favorite town today. You are here to keep yourself afloat and then move on. You grip the cold, metal rings one last time as the years of your marriage flash through your mind. You close your eyes and squeeze the gold circles for a final second before hurling them into the water. Brushing a tear from your cheek, you watch as a small wave separates the two rings and they begin to float in different directions. _How ironi_c, you think. You continue staring at them as one begins to sink deeper into the dark water. The other ring floats along independently for a moment and then, it too, disappears into the darkness. They are gone. You let go of the railing that you hadn't even noticed you had grabbed at some point and hear the last warning sound of the ferry boat. Departing the ship, you know you have done the only thing that can keep you from drowning into an unconscious abyss. You have forced yourself let go in order to keep yourself from sinking.


End file.
